The Day I Became a Heart Mother

The Day I Became a Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,
... I'll never be the same.
They told me that my child was sick.
I thought, "am I to blame"?
I don't think I can handle this.
I am really not that strong.
It seemed my heart was breaking.
I have loved her for so long.

I will not give up on this child.
I will listen to your advice.
I will give my child any chance.
No matter what the price.
I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube.
My child must survive!

Will she need a lot of therapy?
Will she gain the needed weight?
Please God, help me do this.
I will accept our fate.

When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.
How many parents would love that sound.
Tomorrow I will be kinder.
As another Angel earns his wings,
I run to my child's bed.
I watch her sleep for quite a while.
I bend down and kiss her head.
I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.
I look to You wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....no matter how I try.

And yet, I trust you hold her life, and guide us through each day.
My mind says savor each moment she's here,
but my heart begs, "PLEASE let her stay"!

From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by her bed.
From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.
From wondering, "will she be alright?", to watching her reach out her hands.
With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.

For all who see that faded line.
I look to them and smile.
You see my child is loved so much.
I would face ANY trial.
That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to her beautiful heart).
God must have known how much I'd love her (Just as He loved her from the start).

A heart mom is always a heart mom.
Now wise beyond her years.
For those who have angels in heaven,
Our hearts share in all of your tears.

Every day I will try and remember,
I was chosen for her (and no other).
I will always embrace that beautiful day.......
When I became a "Heart Mother".

January 13, 2011 Open Heart Surgery

Friday it will be one year ago when Kiley had her open heart surgery to correct her VSD. That will be a day that I never forget. I remember how scared I was as they came and took her out of my arms and I watched as they carried my baby down hall. The surgery only  took about 4 to 5 hours but to me it seemed like a lifetime. I remember sitting the waiting room with the kids trying to keep them occupied and make time go by faster, but in the back of my mind all I could think about was is if  my baby girl was o.k. I was so relieved when the doctor came and told us that surgery was over and it had went well. However, at the time we were told she would require another heart surgery when she is older to correct her Pulminary artery. We have no idea as to when that time will come so we have just put it in the back of our minds for the time being. Her next heart check up will be in July and we hope to get a good report like we did in October. I am amazed as to how far Kiley has came since that day almost 1 year ago. January 13, 2011 is a day that I will never forget but will forever be thankful to Dr. Huddleston and his team for taking excellent care of baby girl. Thank you St. Louis Childrens Hospital!